Last spring’s flooding may have played a role in the explosion of the 2019/20 corn troll population, which is up 66.6 percent from last season. Not much has been said about this in the mainstream ag news media, but our research indicates a link between excessive precipitation at planting and subsequent higher incidence of corn trolls.
USDA often discounts trolling activity—although the ag scientists in Area 51 have some interesting ideas on troll origins, or so we’ve heard—which may partially explain the mismatch between the corn yield estimate in the October WASDE (yield went up!) and industry expectations.
So: trolling fees. As long as we have corn trolls, then corn trolling fees are a necessary evil—can’t just leave the trolls to eat all the corn and just generally be gross everywhere, in the way of trolls. (Speaking of evil, can we agree that corn trolls have the worst stink?) Those fees pay for all-night, seven-nights-a-week troll hunting.
Corn trolling fees have been rising for the last 14 marketing years, ever since the troll hunters started watching “Supernatural.” Thanks, Winchesters. Well, users of corn derivatives are lucky Sam and Dean’s shenanigans are set to wrap after season 15—we have it on good authority that ADM and Cargill had a little something to do with that. The expectation is trolling fees will fall as corn troll hunters return to their solitary ways, dealing with trolls and laying low except for the occasional swap meet or car show. We’ve seen this pattern before, way back when “Night Stalker” was on TV, and we believe corn trolling fees will indeed drop sharply next year.
Corn tolling fees, on the other hand, just seem to keep going up, especially for corn syrup, so you’d better give us a call about that potential scare to your bottom line.
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